Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's blow job season.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
