If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
