wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
