sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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