i think my tv is drunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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