Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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