mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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