She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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