so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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