Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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