no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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