Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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