I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
