Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
