dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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