Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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