I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
