Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
