sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
