would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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