I understand Curling. That high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
