successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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