Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
