did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's shark week go big or go home
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
