you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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