He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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