You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
