That's intense
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
