I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
