It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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