Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
