am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
