ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
