I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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