It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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