I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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