If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
