You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
