Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
