I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
