Please, let me fuck your mom
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
