Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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