so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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