it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
