there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
