Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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