Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
