I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
