ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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