Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
