You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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