Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
